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” I grabbed a jacket and took her out to the Bronco. I drove her back to the pub, made sure her car started, and then I drove home alone. I felt more relaxed, but it was more of a mechanical thing, like the old expression, “I got my pipes cleaned.” There was something emotionally unsatisfying about it. I knew one-night stands were not what I wanted. It felt like something was missing.When Mary turned eleven, her nipples got bigger and often swelled up to be much bigger and harder than usual. It sometimes seemed like a volcano was trying to push up from under her flat chest. Her bottom was still tiny, but sometimes when she sat on my lap I thought she felt better padded and a little less bony. I thought Mary was still too young for a real romance, but I was starting to feel more drawn to her. I decided that to reduce the chances of my behaving inappropriately I needed to find a better sexual release than masturbation.After Mary went home one night, I went down to the Short Horn bar. I. I felt him fill me, fill my womb with his potent seed.The meaning of his name is love. Bryden Camlo, my gypsy lover. My heart aches for him. Will he come for me tonight? My wait has been so long, lingering out over the years that stretched into decades. Those decades now number more that six. Has it been seven?In sadness and shame, my parents took to their graves after three of those decades had passed. In all that time, my father scarcely spoke with me. His disappointment had stolen his love away. The whispers of his contemporaries about his only child were more than he could bear. I became invisible, a wraith that haunted the shadows of our hilltop world.Soon after Father claimed his peace, my mother followed, consumed by a loss I know only too well. Bryden... Continuing on, no death to relieve my lonely vigil, I waited. With no knowledge of the world around me, I waited. The years whirled by, the world around me growing with the sounds of life, but death is what I crave.Alone, my.
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